Dear Sachin,

We've already realized how miserable this long-distance thing can be. It's much more pleasant to think about the future than mull about the fact that we see each other for 48 hours a month on average. And what about the future? Will we fulfill my dream of traveling the world, making documentaries and saving the lives of people in need? Or will we settle down with 4 dogs, 6 cats, 12 bunnies, and a turtle in the Ukraine like you've always dreamed? I come to you with a post about another option: Let's move to Australia. Not that you need convincing why, but here's a list of reasons...

12. We love beaches. The whole country is a freaking island.

11. We already know how to apply sunblock...

... so that whole "hole in the ozone" thing shouldn't be a big deal.

10. It is a well-known fact that students of a higher education in Australia take a much more laid back view towards academics than we do in the United States.

What this means for us: I can freaking coast through my PhD dissertation.

9. Australia's shortage of doctors means they are recruiting from overseas.

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8. Australia has a landscape unlike anywhere else in the world.

Ayers Rock

7. All Australians are incredibly good-looking.

Orlando Bloom

Hugh Jackman

Miranda Kerr

Emile de Ravin

6. One word: Koalas

5. "Hey Sach, do you want to go to the Philippines for a mini-vacation?"

4. Baz Luhrmann, Kath & Kim, Roy & HG

3. Two more words: New Zealand

2. We could live in a place like this.

Maybe.

1. Australians are badass. And so are we.

Love,

Me

Hello, Boys

If you are an avid fan of NPR then you've probably heard of Car Talk. Click and Clack are the hosts of the radio talk show where people can call in with their car troubles and they do their worst to fix the problem. About 60% of the air time consists of their deafening laughter.

Just recently I've discovered a new male comedic duo: HG Nelson and "Rampaging" Roy Slaven. These two have been commenting on the past three Summer Olympics and it has been hilarious. This year's show was titled "The Golden Ring" and can be downloaded as a podcast for some very entertaining road trips. Some highlights:

-- Roy suggests a new type of swimming heat in which the athletes must carry another person of the same weight across the pool with them.
-- Roy also suggests classifying the races by weight and age, giving rise to a new swimming race that consists of 11 year-olds weighing 100 kilos.
-- They speculate that London's contribution to the 2008 Closing Ceremony will consist of Paul McCartney singing "Hey Jude" for 42 minutes.

If you'd like to hear some absolute gold look them up on Youtube. The men's gymnastics and men's weightlifting will have you in tears.

I wish I was going down under...

If the United States, all of Europe, and Australia are in a race to see which country is the biggest global douchebag, it seems that the U.S. is well on its way to getting the gold.

I'll admit, Europe did have a good lead during the colonial period in Africa and Southeast Asia. But I think our treatment of American Indians when we first "discovered" America, and our continual treatment of them, kept us ahead for quite some time.

However, things changed. Europe seemed to stop caring about being d-bags and started caring about things like Universal Healthcare and something called Education. Whatever.

The United States used to be neck and neck with Australia. We both refused to sign that Kyoto Protocol. (Fresh air is SO overrated.) We both treated our indigenous peoples like they were second class people...if we treated them like people at all. And we basically mistrusted anyone who immigrated to our fine land and contaminated it with their different cultures and menial labor.

But this Kevin Rudd guy. He's a sneaky one. First the Kyoto Protocol. Then the Aborigines. Now this?! Honestly, who does he think he is? Gandhi?

Anyone see a resemblance?