Dear sweet Jesus

I'm actually excited about a Harry Potter film. Thank god for David Yates, he has almost made me forget the horror that was Christopher Columbus's directing (on Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone).

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

I wish I was going down under...

If the United States, all of Europe, and Australia are in a race to see which country is the biggest global douchebag, it seems that the U.S. is well on its way to getting the gold.

I'll admit, Europe did have a good lead during the colonial period in Africa and Southeast Asia. But I think our treatment of American Indians when we first "discovered" America, and our continual treatment of them, kept us ahead for quite some time.

However, things changed. Europe seemed to stop caring about being d-bags and started caring about things like Universal Healthcare and something called Education. Whatever.

The United States used to be neck and neck with Australia. We both refused to sign that Kyoto Protocol. (Fresh air is SO overrated.) We both treated our indigenous peoples like they were second class people...if we treated them like people at all. And we basically mistrusted anyone who immigrated to our fine land and contaminated it with their different cultures and menial labor.

But this Kevin Rudd guy. He's a sneaky one. First the Kyoto Protocol. Then the Aborigines. Now this?! Honestly, who does he think he is? Gandhi?

Anyone see a resemblance?

Stuff my friends have said...

"I wish there was a way that I could send audio text messages."
- Kirstin, on voicemail.

"You know, I'm pretty drunk, but I'm still not gay."
- Neel, despite our best efforts.

Chick Flicks for the Gentlemen

She: What should we watch tonight, snugglepuss?
He: I rented Armageddon, Rocky, and Season 10 of South Park. And don't call me "snugglepuss".
She: Ohhh, ummm, hmmm. I heard Bridget Jones's Diary is good. How about that, doodlebug?
He: Eff that. Your choice in movies are almost as bad as your choice in pet names. Don't call me "doodlebug".
She: Well at least I don't fart in the grocery store then walk away quickly so that the people around us think it was me.
He: What?! That was once! And you were the one who farted.
She: Tee hee. I love you, muffintop.
He: I think it's time we broke up.

How do you prevent a catastrophe as horrific as this one? I don't know. But I believe all girlfriends have a responsibility to pick films that both sides will enjoy. Or guys can pick something from this list to win a couple points with his woman. And don't call her your "woman".

Chick Flicks that Guys will Dig

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Feminine: The love story. The wedding. Joey from *NSync.
Masculine: Testicle jokes.
I think the tumor monologue pretty much speaks for itself.

That Thing You Do

Feminine: The love story. The adorable guys. Tom Hanks.
Masculine: The band. Tom Hanks.
"How do you sell a chicken to a deaf guy?"

Love Actually

Feminine: Pretty much everything.
Masculine: The nudity. The humor. Bill Nighy.
This movie has been approved by every guy I have talked to.

When Harry met Sally

Feminine: Meg Ryan
Masculine: Billy Crystal
A classic. This movie set the bar for romantic comedies.

The Dark Knight

I just came out of watching The Dark Knight. It was absolutely amazing. I'm not usually a fan of this genre of film and honestly think there's very little substance to making them besides the Hollywood allure of profit. But Christopher Nolan is a genius. He made the movie a work of art. The cinematography, the angles, the characters, the twisted psychology of it all. There's a lot more to this movie than I think many of us thought.

Also, Heath Ledger was terrifying. Not as The Joker. Not as the actor. But Heath Ledger himself. There was no wall between him and the character. That's what was so scary to watch.

But all the same. See this movie. It's amazing.

Lost vs. Grey's Anatomy

I've just recently become a fan of ABC's series, Lost. And when I say "fan" I mean we plan on announcing our engagement this fall. I've lost friends. I've lost time. Quite a fitting name, actually.

But has anyone noticed that there are a great many similarities between Lost and ABC's other hit series, Grey's Anatomy?

10. There is a surgeon named Dr. Shepherd. Armed with his not-so-subtle stubble he reluctantly leads his "flock" to...something.

vs.

9. Dr. Shepherd always seems to have trouble deciding between women.

or

vs.

or
or
or

8. There is a character named Dr. Burke. We're still not sure if Dr. Burke and Dr. Shepherd are friends.

vs.

7. There's a mean guy who nobody really likes, but women sleep with him anyway.

vs.

6. There's that one guy who has really low self esteem, but everyone still loves him. Except the mean guy who just loves to make fun of him.

vs.

5. Nobody wants to trust the redhead.

vs.

4. Those Koreans always know what they're doing.

vs.

3. If there are two somewhat attractive people within ten miles of each other, there will be sexual tension.

vs.

2. The best way to solve a problem is by fighting it out.

vs.

1. Nobody seems to have a clue what's going on.

vs.

I mean, come on ABC, they're consecutively at 9 o'clock and 10 o'clock. Try a bit harder...

Grey's Anatomy
(aka A Surgical Patient's Worst Nightmare)

Lost
(aka What the Hell Just Happened?)

Transition

Screw it. I've given up trying to make my blog deep and meaningful. It was condescending and a bit more work than it was fun. So, assuming I'll have the discipline to stop playing Sims 2/watching reruns of Frasier/doing nothing, this blog shall henceforth be about whatever tickles my fancy. To mark this transition, here's one of my favorite comedians doing what he does best...

(Hint: Skip to 2:20)